Dutiful daughter-in-law, I like to think!
I know last weekend was Father's Day here in the UK, but I ended up treating my mother-in-law (MIL) to a trip to the theatre. We had a lovely time, while the man and his Father stayed at home enjoying some quality time together.
It made me wonder if when I have another child would I like another boy or a girl (obviously I'm not really fussed as long as it's healthy blah blah) If you only have sons (and assuming they get married) do you just get the best bits of a daughter?
I lived with my two sisters and we fought, bitched, stole from each other (and my Mum). The stories the man tells me of his childhood with his brothers sounds more like a famous five novel - getting into scrapes, playing together and sharing adventures. I'm sure it's not actually how it was, but boys do have a reputation of being easier.
The relationship with my mum has had it's up and downs and can be strained at times. With a daughter-in-law, I imagine just having the ups. They are grown up, independent, and mature so do you get the mother-daughter relationship but without having to go through the nightmare of having a teenage girl? I know that I make more of an effort with my MIL as she has no daughters. I think it's even more important to make sure she feels involved and that I'm not taking her son away. In fact I make sure the man rings her at least once a week which is more than I talk to my mum!
Perhaps, because I don't have the conventional mother-daughter relationship I feel differently to most. Will I actually find that if my son gets married, she'll be so close to her mum that I won't get a look-in? It must be hard to do all the hard work of raising a child and see someone else reaping the rewards if the MIL comes along and has the mother-daughter relationship.
Through all this I haven't considered the fact that I might be the MIL from hell (in the eyes of my daughter-in-law) The more I consider this, the more likely I think it will be. The boy is only 18 months old and already he has had unwanted attention from a two year old girl at the swings. I say 'unwanted'; he had a massive smile on his face while I was scowling at the child's mother! If nobody is good enough for him now, god help the spotty, teenage girl with too much make up and too much attitude, that walks through my door on the arm of my son!
Monday 27 June 2011
Saturday 11 June 2011
Who am I?
Before I go any further I feel I need to explain the name of my blog. Ok, so technically my name is Mummy, but only to three people. My son (the boy), and my two cats. (Yes, I am not ashamed to say that I have recieved Mother's Day cards from them!)
So, why is it that once 'the bump' became 'the boy', my friends and family seemed to forget my name? To everyone that came to visit I was 'Mummy'. "Get in the picture Mummy", "Doesn't your Mummy look good?" (This is a quote, honestly I didn't make it up) "Does Mummy want a cup of tea?" Not only had people forgotten my name, they also forgot how to talk directly to me.
It's hard enough adapting to this new role that's been thrust upon you after nine months of preperation, but to lose your other identities, your name and the things that you're clinging on to for a small sense of normality is even harder. I didn't want to be JUST mummy. I suppose I should have been prepared for it by the amount of attention 'the bump' got in the last couple of months of my pregnancy. It's a similar feeling to men who just stare at your boobs when you're talking. Women who just stare at your bump. I confess that I'm just as guilty, I love a good bump!
Me and 'the man' had discussed many times, (niavely) how our lives weren't going to change. Few things we talked about have remained but one has. He never calls me Mummy! Is there anything worse than hearing a man say to his girlfriend/wife/partner, "Mummy, is it time for an early night" when there is no child around? Or "Daddy, don't you look handsome?". I understand by calling each other Mummy and Daddy, the children will catch on and hopefully won't call you anything else. It could be worse I suppose, if you called each other bitch and arsehole, perhaps that's not something you want to be known as by your offspring! We do use the words, but not directly, so the above would translate to " Doesn't YOUR Daddy look handsome". If you stop using each others names, what else do you stop and who do you become to each other?
18 months down the line, I know that there is no such thing as 'just a mummy'. The word 'just' undermines the huge amount of time, effort, blood, sweat and tears that being a mummy takes, yet it is used so often. My name is Mummy and I wear that badge with pride...alongside many, many others.
So, why is it that once 'the bump' became 'the boy', my friends and family seemed to forget my name? To everyone that came to visit I was 'Mummy'. "Get in the picture Mummy", "Doesn't your Mummy look good?" (This is a quote, honestly I didn't make it up) "Does Mummy want a cup of tea?" Not only had people forgotten my name, they also forgot how to talk directly to me.
It's hard enough adapting to this new role that's been thrust upon you after nine months of preperation, but to lose your other identities, your name and the things that you're clinging on to for a small sense of normality is even harder. I didn't want to be JUST mummy. I suppose I should have been prepared for it by the amount of attention 'the bump' got in the last couple of months of my pregnancy. It's a similar feeling to men who just stare at your boobs when you're talking. Women who just stare at your bump. I confess that I'm just as guilty, I love a good bump!
Me and 'the man' had discussed many times, (niavely) how our lives weren't going to change. Few things we talked about have remained but one has. He never calls me Mummy! Is there anything worse than hearing a man say to his girlfriend/wife/partner, "Mummy, is it time for an early night" when there is no child around? Or "Daddy, don't you look handsome?". I understand by calling each other Mummy and Daddy, the children will catch on and hopefully won't call you anything else. It could be worse I suppose, if you called each other bitch and arsehole, perhaps that's not something you want to be known as by your offspring! We do use the words, but not directly, so the above would translate to " Doesn't YOUR Daddy look handsome". If you stop using each others names, what else do you stop and who do you become to each other?
18 months down the line, I know that there is no such thing as 'just a mummy'. The word 'just' undermines the huge amount of time, effort, blood, sweat and tears that being a mummy takes, yet it is used so often. My name is Mummy and I wear that badge with pride...alongside many, many others.
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